Sometimes It is God You Need To Forgive

This may seem SHOCKING to some, but it is something that I struggled with personally for along time and I didn't even know how angry I truly was at God.
For some of you, you maybe thinking, "How can you be mad at God?" or maybe "Are you even allowed to be mad at God?" Lol
Well...I was and I think there are many out there as well that don't really realize it either.
There are many things in our life that we can control and if we mess it up or someone else messes it up we can forgive ourselves or that other person, but who gets the blame for those BIGGER things? For me, it was God....
When my brother Jesse was killed by a drunk driver, I was able to forgive that man, but I didn't realize that I was angry at God for not stopping it from happening. Then, when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed away just 4 years after my brother, I was SO ANGRY at God. He could have stopped it. He could have made it better. He could have saved both of them, but he didn't....
It affected my relationship with him in so many ways. I had been a joyful person and that was gone, I quit going to church, I quit listening to my Jesus music, I quit praying and slowly avoided him more and more and this whole time I was telling myself lies and excuses about why I was not doing those things anymore.
It's just too sad to listen to that music, I just don't have time, the memories are too hard at that church, He didn't answer those prayers...he's not going to answer these ones.
Everything in my life seemed to be going wrong and ultimately, I was trying to do it all on my own and it wasn't working...I wanted to have that JOY back in my life again, but was I ready to TRUST God with that after I felt he had let me down in so many ways??
I screamed and yelled at Him, I cried and yes...even swore at Him for all the hurt he had caused me (He is a big man...he can take it ;) ) and after that, I chose to forgive him. I had to release all that pain and call it what it was and face those feelings I tried so long to just push down inside of me. After that, I gave it all to him and started trusting that he would help me heal and find that joy again and he has done just that and SO much more.
I began to rebuild our relationship! I found a church that I love, began praying throughout every day and dusted off my Bible and got in his Word!
We often forget that he doesn't promise an easy life, but instead a life of struggles. What he does promise is that he will be with us every step of the way and that through our struggles and times of waiting he is strengthening us, teaching us and growing our character.
I had to break down that wall that was dividing us, just like any wall that divides people when they need to forgive someone. We avoid them at all costs because we don't want to deal with it.
Maybe you have those feelings you have been stuffing deep down inside of you. Maybe you are angry at him for a loss, miscarriage, failed marriage, infertility, illness, bad childhood or something else that you just can't seem to understand.
Today, I challenge you to BRING IT TO HIM!! The anger, the sadness, the frustration, the disappointment....ALL OF IT and let him have it. Scream, cry, be angry....get it all out and then see what he will do for you.